Has there been anyone whose BDSM relationships you’ve found uplifting, that you wished to emulate or equal?
It doesn’t have to be a couple - or individual - that you knew.
Maybe you read their blog or forum postings.
Perhaps they weren’t even flesh creatures but men and women in kinky fiction. Whether classic BDSM novels like The Story of O or Venus in Furs or some shabby bit of fetish porn that touched you in just the right way?
While a few folks may get misty-eyed about the dark transgressive past, most of us are glad to have the web to better enable the realization of our needs for D/s and S&M.
How much time to you spend online focused on BDSM?
If you can’t guess the actual quantity of time do you have a notion of what proportion of your internet time is devoted to BDSM and related pleasures?
Nuttiest Personal Ads, Demented Profiles, Unhappy Real Life Experiences
We’ve all seen personal ads that make us laugh. Some profiles cause you to cringe. Been sent annoying and wrongheaded emails and instant message. And some people have had the bad luck - or been too careless in screening people - to be trapped in a scene with an unskilled or recklessly selfish top or bottom.
What have been the worst personals you’ve seen, damnable communications that you’ve been sent, bad scenes with online players come to your mind?
Ah, gender
As a youth I thought gender as other than a biological fact would be gone by now. (A lesson in how we self-select out own communities of sensibility.)
Growing older I’ve come to enjoy various sorts of gender performance. Mostly if it is a bit atypical and done with self-awareness. And gender neutrality: no more than physiological configuration. All flesh is pleasing.
But most folks are monosexual and often enjoy sex roles and certainly specific body parts.
And many who enjoy D/s and S&M like very stylized gender performance. Some even believe them necessary expression of sociological and psychological truths.
We have:
The men and women influenced by John Norman’s Gor fantasy novels. Some Goreans - by no means all - expatiate about it as amateur anthropologists and claim it the only honest expression of male and female nature.Many heterosexual submissive men believe that women are inherently superior to them if only morally. And there’s considerable lore about the need to keep these guys’ sexual desire in check.
And straight dominant women feel that there is a wrongheaded expectation that they’ll automatically don leather and PVC.
Gay women seem to be able to delight in butch / femme roles with innocent delight.
Submission seems to be a very common craving of male transvestites.
Gay Leathermen - both masters and slaves - often seek to embody hypermasculine archetypes like those expressed in Tom of Finland’s illustrations.
Of course some folks are just kinky and don’t sweat any of the above. They just enjoy the biology of their own and their partners’ bodies.
How about you? What role, if any, does gender play in your kink life?
BDSM in Spring & Summer
For some people - I’m one - the shift of the seasons marks only thermostat adjustments. Others find the fetish portion of their lives varies slightly.
Are there any seasonal fluctuations in your kinky sexuality?
BDSM is love.
No, of course it isn’t.
Perhaps it is a fluke but most of us who blog about D/s and S&M are, have been or want to be in romantic relationships that include our sadomasochism.
It is easy to forget that people engage in BDSM as one night stands. That they scene with people they don’t know intimately. Many people enjoy their fetishes without worrying about affection.
Imagine developing a view of heterosexuality solely on the basis of romantic comedies. The sex lives of millions of people would vanish from view.
What level of emotional involvement do you require for BDSM?
Would you rather go kinkless and celibate than play without what you feel is the minimum level of tenderness you want?
Having asked in - ProDomme : You? - why women who may have considered becoming a professional dominatrix chose not to, it is only fair that I invite those who decided to adopt it as their livelihood to share the reasons why.
Perhaps it is solely a comfortable way of making money that allows you independence and free time. Or it is sexually fulfilling (at times). Maybe a mix of the two.
How did decide to join the ranks for professional dominatrices?
Sigh …
There are professional male dominants and professional submissive persons. But they are uncommon. Because of the funny - even if it isn’t exactly humorous - way our society works most professional dominants are female.
You’ve probably at least wondered what it would be like to be a ProDomme. But have you ever given the possibility serious consideration?
Good:
Not so:
If you are a professional dominatrix: why did you decide to pursue it as a career?
If you pondered it but decided to keep your sex life strictly personal and informal: what made you decide that sex work was not the profession for you?
Bottoms can have very mixed feelings about their limits. The desire to be pleasing can leave you guilty when there are practices you cannot agree to in engage in.
Have you ever let a top - Master, Mistress, Domme or Dom - convince you to forgo a limit?
Did it work out OK? Leave you feeling unloved or undervalued?
Perhaps it worked out fine. Perhaps regaining trust in your top took a long time. Or even caused the relationship to end.
My question is that as a top have you ever let a submissive partner talk you into doing something that you really didn’t want to do.
Have you ever had a bottom persuade you to cross a line, to break a limit?
With luck - to your surprise - it worked out just fine. Or - less happily - left you feeling used, angry.
To New Visitors
If you are tempted to respond but feel nervous or shy, you shouldn't.
Your real name isn't required. Though I appreciate a pseudonym rather than a blank.
These pages are meant to spark you to think and express yourself. There aren't any right or wrong answers: there are your answers. And you may find that responding prompts you to think a little more clearly. Maybe you'll understand better what you do, want to do and why it matters to you.
Don' be shy: you are completely safe.
