Punishing a Masochist

Punishing a masochist is one of the hoariest topics in BDSM.

Masochists love pain so beating one is a reward, right?

This assumes the response to consensual erotic pain remains consistent. Masochistic submissive persons often report that whippings delivered in anger feel unlike those performed in play. And even though the perception of anger in a top may be a fantasy for the submissive partner there is a difference between role-playing and genuine displeasure for a person who wants to please.

Some dominants are perhaps too distrustful of their slavish partner.

One female top in a D/s relationship that I’ve always perceived as genuinely loving said she simply stopped dominating her husband when his behavior and responses seemed to stay consistently outside of their agreed upon manner of being together. And that it worked: cleanly, quickly and efficiently. To the ultimate mutual satisfaction of both.

Strongly expressed disapproval I suspect is the worst approach. That introduces guilt at a fundamental level that is probably unhealthy for many submissive men and women. Outside of play evoking feelings of failure and worthlessness can cripple the bottom and even end the relationship.

If actual punishment is felt needed then boredom, discomfort that isn’t crippling could possibly be used to dissuade the other from behavior and demeanor that is agreed upon as undesirable.

If punishment is going to be an element in a relationship then it should be discussed at the beginning and every effort made to arrival at mutually tolerable modes and goals.